Tomorrow's dream

Horrible weekdays

2011-09-10T12:13:00.003+08:00

Working days are horrendous i must say. Everyday mon to fri is a never fail long exhausting day. Worse part is, im being 'watched'. Seeing mails regarding reports/sales/10 cv i seriously can sighhh for a million times. I still got 5 months to go :(

On a lighter note, its weekends! A 2 days week i look forward to each time. Gonna hit H&M after baby gets his sleep. Poor thing he was in camp since 11pm last night and i slept alone throughout *rolls eyes*

I am hungry again! Mac breakfast earlier seemed to digest faster than usual.

I wanna have pasta, mushroom soup, cheese prata, maggie soup and cupcakes!

Till then!

Wn

2011-09-03T20:50:00.000+08:00

Happiness

2011-08-22T14:46:00.001+08:00

I love you in the morning, in the middle of the day, the hours we are together, and the hours we are away. ♥

Cyling @ ECP

2011-08-22T12:25:00.000+08:00

Finally RTW bonding session - healthy cycling at ECP. A fruitful trip indeed, i guess i lost 5 pounds and i'm even tanner than before (thats e only bad news)

U.d.d.e.r.s ice-cream after a hot day
My dearest tingting

My dearest annoying reu baby (:

Mon blues - first day of every week is always full of rants even though im on MC today. I am seriously giving up on people that are irresponsbile and got no sincerity in finding a job at all. I totally got the exact feeling when they 'dua' with lameshites excuses like 'relative passed away/got hospitalised'. I dont understand, i dont want to be racist but i couldnt help it, its proven and it runs in their blood. Totally fed-up with their actions and annoyed with myself that somehow i asked for it. I should not get boiled for their immature actions and probably i should have not went back to the same line. Sighs. Double sighs. For the sake of korea, i will endure for minimum 6 months. Switching job was never my intention. Aye, whatever it is, im not giving a hoot about it anymore, im definitely not gonna get my emotions like roller coaster for such people when they are not even related to me.

On a lighter note, there will be PH next week which means that i dont need to stay in office whole day using the computer like nobody business. Hooray! What done had done, i can only bear with it, do whatever i can and save up for Korea. May god bless me.

Hearts

2011-08-08T01:54:00.001+08:00

The grand essentials of happiness are; something to do, something for love and something to hope for.

Certain times i doubt myself that i really found my other half that appreciates me like how i do.

However, I love you my bitch.

Always.

xoxo.

Batam

2011-08-01T17:11:00.001+08:00

I must admit i am seriously tanner now. Batam was a different experience. It's been really long since i'm out early in the morning for American Breakfast (Skip aside for work's sake), stroll along the beach with shades and then lastly jumping into the pool with bikini.

Batam View's hotel was quite good afterall, but i must say their villa looks awesome. That explains the hefty price compared to the hotel. Next planning with reu and friends i will go for the villa, i can imagine myself at the balcony facing the sea, with the gentle breeze blowing against your face and a lychee martini on your hand.. wow, i can almost feel it now.

Silly cam-whoring
Before to the pool

One of my fav pic

Despite getting tanned, it was good doing some healthy activities besides drowning with alcohol.

Till then.

Nostalgia

2011-08-01T16:52:00.000+08:00

The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday. People says time heals, but how true is this statement?

I don't know how to explain how i am feeling right now.. probably nostalgic fits the nearest.

At times, i really wonder does pain helps one to be stronger or a scar inflicted deep within and no matter what, it will always be there. It takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair. All i could explain now is, i'm really afraid to go through what i had once..

为什么人就不能真诚一点

My Sunshine

2011-07-29T11:30:00.002+08:00

I will never get to feel that kind of loneliness despite being a in room of thousands, because i know you are around.

Jim Beam Girl

2011-07-29T11:19:00.000+08:00

Jim Beam's event yesterday night definitely wear me out!

6 more hours to pack for Batam tomorrow! Helleluya!

Back again, xoxo

2011-07-27T23:24:00.001+08:00

I know nothing's forever. However, with your assurance, i fear nothing

I'm really glad after so much, you were my savior, my lifetime.

Reuben

2011-07-27T13:32:00.004+08:00

It's a helluva start, being able to recognise what truly makes you happy

"When a heart is true, there's no need for words because even in silence,
love can be heard."

New beginning

2011-07-27T13:24:00.001+08:00

And so..

Geez, its been months since i've touched this small little diary.url of mine. Well finally, all's over.

Okay, what should i start with? Mmm, life's pretty back on track for me now except career. (double sighs) Nth seemed to go smoothly ever since i left RE, still recall my previous post of how motivated i was.

I totally detest my current work status now. I need a fresh start. I need to pave my way and start saving, for rainy days as well as Korea trip on Dec! Lord, help me pretty please?

Oh, migraine visited me since ytd and today like xtc. Anyone has better antidote than panadols?

Yea, gotcha catch my favourite HK dramas soon.
I'm definitely having butterflies about Batam trip this coming weekends!

Brand new

2011-07-27T13:20:00.002+08:00

A BRAND NEW START.

STRIKE OFF WITH THE BAD PAST

X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X

All's over. Those remarkable pains will never come daily anymore.....

disheartened

2011-03-22T11:03:00.004+08:00

What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them, when they were only meant for good times?

All that was left was a bundle of memories, and an image of your face, that's becoming more and more vague each day.

I got nothing to hold on anymore now.
You are such a letdown...

2011-03-22T09:48:00.003+08:00

So much for everything - 18.08.09

you would do anything to win for yourself, thats all.

2011-03-21T14:48:00.001+08:00

I respect you & i hope its vice versa.

i have feelings, too.

2011-02-10T17:11:00.001+08:00

Be prepared to face the consequences of whatever lie you might use once you're caught. You must recognize that you are about to start walking down a long path of lies and deceit that will one day come back to haunt you in some way or another. There is no such thing as a small and/or harmless lie. You are responsible for your own actions, and everything you do affects someone in some way. Always be, inevitable.

Wn

2011-02-04T02:49:00.000+08:00

Fcuking jerk you are

2011-01-12T12:13:00.002+08:00

You cant wake up from your mistakes

or I cant be the one to make you to

2010-12-25T01:40:00.002+08:00

I missed Tokyo so much
and why aint you the one.

Merely a companion

Merry Xmas to you.

Russell

2010-12-18T18:42:00.001+08:00

Goodbye..

2010-12-16T12:11:00.000+08:00

Everything's over.. boils down to nth.. once again.

Now i know.

2010-11-22T23:10:00.001+08:00

Utada : Full-Merry christmas Mr Lawrence FYI

2010-11-17T21:58:00.000+08:00

Mom: oh, its been long since i hear this song playing from your mac

Me: yea. used to play it every night

I used to play this every night, blogging about 'you'.
Those times on how you lie and turn your back on me.

And now, 9 months later, i dont feel any happier
im still crying on the verge thinking of all that happened.

2010-11-09T22:17:00.002+08:00

Fcuking sick of living for you up till now
Fcuking sick of your everything
Fcuking sick of Ppl who just needs a mirror to reflect and see what they actually are and stop bring an asshole to cause misery in people's life

I just feel like leaving SG for good
This is totally crap, a waste of my youth
I had enough of YOU

Fcuk love
Fcuk loving you
Fcuking FCUK YOU

Yes I mean YOU

2010-10-26T16:26:00.002+08:00

What pains the most was "knowing best what's going on and cant help falling deeper and desperately sinking-struggling."
All I ask now is winter.

as for the rest, you wouldn't be in my head again.

2010-10-25T01:00:00.001+08:00

Of all the things that happened,
what hurt me most was you lying to me time and time again
( you don't seemed to be apologetic anymore, or did you even once? )

what frightened me most was -
i landed up in this state bcos of my stubbornness
who and what am i trying to prove after so long

too much to say, no words to express
thats how fcuk-dup i am feeling right now.

i hate you. i hate myself. i hate whatever that made me this way
fcuk you all.
come on

i fcuking hate you

2010-09-27T23:32:00.000+08:00

Best ever

Goodbye

2010-09-24T22:10:00.000+08:00

IT all begin with a choice.
No one could take you away if you don't wish to,
like no one could take you away from me if you dont want to.

Hives caught me again- ever since sec sch days. (hmin aiai stil rem)
At my lowest point you showed me how i matter to you afterall.

It got nth to do with others, but you.
now i know why no matter what i do or say, it doesnt make any difference.
because your heart doesnt beat tgt as mine anymore.

From the day you started having thoughts of leaving me to her,
i forgave you
From the day you lied and lie and nothing but pack of lies,
i forgave you
From the day you offically back with her,
i forgave you
From the day you come & go out of my life countlessly,
i forgave you
From the day you told me leaving me was e wrong choice,
i forgave you
From the day you said you would come home and do something about it
i forgave you
From the day you let her hurt me and do nothing thrice,
i forgave you
From the day you promised to be true til now you never did
i forgave you

and up til now-
i never seemed to be in your options of those above.

it got nothing to do with others, its about you, yourself.
i had never blamed nor left you alone this 1 year plus,
and ever since sept 2009 til now, ive been fighting this myself.

and tonight, FRI.
you showed me how a leopard never change it spots,
showed me how things can nv be revert anymore.

i love you,
really really do.

Russell.
Farewell.

2010-09-20T17:07:00.003+08:00

Conversion to perm wef from 1st october. Congratulations Wn Lim for all your hard work and never-say-die attitude. :) hahaha. sounds corny enough.

Work had been sailing smoothly and of cause rock-hit most of the time. After working for months, came to see what type of people there are in this society. Candidates that are bums who gave problems all the times are really jackass- sometimes i really got e urge to cover them with sandbags and give a good thrash. Dont these people know the responsibilty of work? YBs are another bunch- complain workload too much, too stress (when its simple duties) and worse scenario TOO BORING. wth seriously. you get paid for doing simple task and you got the cheek to grumble? earnestly its only a temp job, what does it takes to satisfy those people. Each time i face with such situations, DEMORALIZED is the word. Well i guess each job has its own difficulties, there is no free lunch in this world. However... i will do what it takes to achieve my dream ambition. Persistent or stubborn? haha.

Every monday i'll be waiting for weekends, and on weekends i'll be waiting for work to occupy my free time. Thats how ironic and thats how office work kills. How to spend your days more meaningful?
.
.
.
.
and... picture of me taken 2007? i guess so. hahaha. reminisce.

2010- a really toughest year for me.
I thought you were the one.

All or nothing -

2010-09-20T16:39:00.001+08:00

You can't stop lying

can't stop lying

just can't stop fcuking lying

2010-09-11T18:02:00.001+08:00

Im back to this url after so long.
The only thing that remain was;

my heart wasn't getting any better.
in fact, it was crushed.

i still miss-ed the old you.

2010-06-17T04:09:00.001+08:00

To you it may be a big fuss or rather nothing,
to me it's your form of promise to this existing love.

2010-06-16T14:37:00.000+08:00

And are u satisfied now that i changed my blog to privacy?

2010-06-15T18:04:00.005+08:00

I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other, for those were some of the best times of my life.

Probably that's what love is about.

-Do you know why when one is completely disheartened and nothing could make him/her turn back? It's simple. He/She manage to walk it out him/herself after millions of disappointment. They will never experience the similar pain as long they're out of this game.

2010-06-15T17:57:00.002+08:00

If love has the liberty to choose to stay or go
If love can't bring courage to make decision
If love is about wrong timing
If love is about causing hurt
If love is selfish
If love is about going through vicious cycles
If love is about knowing what you want but you got no will to make it happen, only at the instance when something happened you felt the urgency but as time pass you lose the determination again and you're back to point 1.
If love is having second doubts and confusion state for an answer,
you've actually gotten it.
Because that's not what love is about to even think of that.

Just out of a sudden, i felt terrified.
Not because I'm losing grip, but i don't even know what's real and what's not.
I love you,
but i don't want to have you if love isn't what it's supposed to be.

There is a total of 6 billion people in this world. It's kismet to bring 2 strangers knowing each other. How about falling in love?

It all begin with a choice.

Even though time gets harder, nobody understands & you wouldn't be there, but at least i don't self-deceive anymore.

Know what's the self-achievement part?
You managed to walk it out yourself and see things clearly,
and this is when nothing affects your judgment anymore.

:)

2010-06-14T04:29:00.001+08:00

So its always good to live life to the fullest. If you live everyday like its your last day on earth, then the days that follows will be nothing short of happiness and satisfaction. We won't then live to regret. Be true to yourself, we've only got one heart. Life's vulnerable. It is fate that brings acquaintance and destiny for two strangers to be together.

When a couple go through so much but not breaking up and knowing the needs remain,

they're really meant to be.

♥♥♥

2010-06-14T04:12:00.003+08:00

Like a happy-bird i own theseee to kill nightmare for minutes.

2010-06-13T18:40:00.000+08:00

Who you are today is the choice you made yesterday

2010-06-12T17:27:00.002+08:00

that's a pretty well said slogan. oei samantha can you spend more time on our advertorial instead? hahahah i'm slogging my guts out you pig.

Author

2010-06-10T16:46:00.005+08:00

♥

2010-06-07T18:10:00.005+08:00

For the first time after so long,

this never felt so vivid.

I'm free, without you.

2010-06-07T16:13:00.002+08:00

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now

wish right now.

bffs

2010-06-07T03:51:00.002+08:00

A big thank you to everyone who took the effort to make me a happy princess yesterday night. thanks for all the flowers and presents.

Ps to : bff kiatann & ken, special thanks to both of you. no words can fit in how much i appreciate what you both had done all these while.

600mins left.

rock star

2010-06-05T19:31:00.003+08:00

Thank you to all my dearest schoolmates for the fantastic dinner and support ytd night. Subaru wrx, house-trance and all the laughters bought bck good old days.

Plenty of hearts to daddykeins for getting me a new nikon and moolahs.

lucks to me and sam for our dior advertorial.

D5000 is the sex and here's a toast to me and my bestest sluts.

how can leggins ever be enough?

"And we both knows it best, just me and you."

2010-06-05T18:50:00.002+08:00

HE.

“ Whisper to me now,
just one breath soaked whisper and
my heart will be yours. ”

twilight

2010-06-03T01:38:00.002+08:00

Simple and contented.

it all begin with a choice.

2010-06-03T00:15:00.009+08:00

何苦呢?

2010-06-02T14:52:00.003+08:00

Thinking of you wasn't supposed to be like this.

When will ever this vanish...

She's almost here. Wait up.

2010-05-31T19:32:00.003+08:00

Mommy came running to my room exclaiming I will be flying to the moon aft what she had surprised me, indeed it was a splendid news but I ended up receiving disappointment. It's okay :)

you're nothing

2010-05-31T16:05:00.014+08:00

You are the most disappointing.

You are the most painful.

You are the lowest.

You are the best shit ever that say and do another.

FCUK OFF

promises? lanjiao.

fcuk you and fcuk bd.

_ l _

True love? haha.

if thats what love is about, you don't deserve. you can never pay back my tears. Cross your conscience, you don't have it.

and fyi, this is my blog.

don't like it and stil continue to read?

MORON(s) is it?

and whoever i am referrin to, it might be me myself, so why are u so sick to be bothered?

GO FLY A KITE.

you are not me, what you know? all you cared was yourself.

2010-05-31T16:00:00.001+08:00

18 sept 09.

2010-05-30T20:19:00.000+08:00

“Why did you choose me
out of all the faces in
all of the places?”

Why can a love vanished in seconds.

It wasn't real.

2010-05-30T19:59:00.006+08:00

Often, I think about the people who’ve walked away or drifted apart and it makes me really sad. So most time, I force myself to not think of it, and convince myself that there’s a reason why they’re not in my life now..

Well, it's true that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".
It's amazing how a human heart can actually take the amount of pain, it's even more surprising that accepting the reality is doubly terrifying than self-deceiving.

Because you’re hoping you’re wrong. And every time he does something that tells you he’s no good, you ignore it. And every time he comes through and surprises you, he wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself that he’s not for you.

I couldn't stop this love from dying because prolly love cannot be healed. I gave more than enough chances to you but maybe it's time i stop giving chances to deceive myself. I tried to knock senses into you and now i should be doing this on me.

“ Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love but to only discover that for them, we are just for passing time while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger. So, let go when you’re hurting too much, give up when love isn’t enough, and move on when things are not like before. For sure there is someone out there who will love you even more. ”
— (via eletheowl)

It's all because i gave you chances to. that's e rule. now when i don't, do you think you could still achieve the same result?

“ A heart that hurts, is a heart that works. ”
So who am i to blame for being emotional and not able to walk out of it constantly?
Soon, it will all be over.

I'm exhausted. My brain, heart & soul need a rest and i'm doing anything to reach the dizzy height of happiness.

(yes, i missed tokyo fcuking alot. but.. were u wholeheartedly mine? it was a trip that always bring me so much memories that whenever i fall, i cant get up. e way you took care of me and every places we went, those merriment.. do you only missed em when something triggers you, when nth occupies your head or you dont miss it at all? I do, every fcuking time. well, it never left my heart. thats all. shld i smile or cry pathetically at myself?)

For once, i feel fcuking pointless to get involved in this tug-of-war.

2010-05-29T16:10:00.006+08:00

“Do you ever get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy but at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either, there isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. Or rather you knew that no one could actually help you out except yourself. At least when you’re alone you wouldn't feel you're the only one left behind and there isn’t anyone who won’t take “I don’t know” for an answer. you feel the way you do just because you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again.”

It doesn't make sense to let go of something you have wanted so long;
but it also doesn't make sense to hold on when there's nothing there.

Japan was the best place ever, although it vanished in seconds.

and this time i will choose to be there with someone who will never let loose of my hands.

i will never be unhappy anymore :)

2010-05-27T14:48:00.001+08:00

Eat this annoying monster and return to my arms
i am your ultimate sunshine and shall always be
. . .

ATTN: NEL LAM

2010-05-27T14:18:00.002+08:00

Seriously nel, last warning stop logging into my fb & blogger!!!!
i wil rape you tonight and no more introducing you to ah... ****. (ahem) hahahaha so stop bugging me!
READ THIS YOU CHICKEN

and oh yay, bff is coming out tonight. :)

I feel ticklish now. hahaha wtf .

Sexy & the City 2 is out!!!!! OMFG.

2010-05-26T15:58:00.005+08:00

Nobody understands, nobody do.
Receiving disappointment for fcuking million times was never so drained than anything else.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIT MY WORDS ANYMORE ALL I KNOW IS MY DECISION FROM NOW WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

I HAD ENOUGH OF HEARTACHE I HAD ENOUGH OF EMO-ING AND THEN BRAINWASHING MYSELF AND I AM BACK AT IT AGAIN.

IF I WERE TO BE SO INSIGNIFICANT AND SO MUCH FOR ALL THESE WHILE ADDS UP TO NOTHIN BUT THIS STATE, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO MAKE ANY SENSE INTO YOU.

I DON'T WANT TO CARE ANYTHING ANYMORE
IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE, DON'T KNOW HOW TO TREASURE. DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE THE LEAST EFFORT,
YOU DON'T DESERVE ANY FROM ANYONE.

REPEATING TRACK FOR HOURS.
TIME FOR MIRACLE.

I WERE JUST A WOMAN WHO CRY MY HEART OUT AND CAUSE UNNCESSARY STRESS
BUT AGAIN WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABT ME.

YOU WERE NEVER AFRAID BECAUSE YOU WERE NEVER LEFT ALONE.
AND I WERE THE ONE FEARING TO LOSE YOU AGAIN WHEN I ALREADY DID.

Ps: thank you for never giving me up no matter what route i choose to go. you never once left me alone whenever i needed someone. you let me see how important and good i was, and not to forget the winnie i used to be back those days. Even thou you can't replace nor share my pain, knowing how significant and important i was is already enough. When you said: "i miss times when you were always our lil joypill that brings the whole grp of us merriments." I cried, i know how silly it was to hold on to this existence of love knowing i couldn't see any future. "dont doubt yourself" i will keep this in mind.

thank you..

fat seeker

2010-05-25T17:24:00.004+08:00

i didn't realized how noseyparker and surfaced you could be til now. why are you even bothered since you loathe it so badly? Can you please continue to eat the way you're doing so and be another 2nd earth? its mega enough not to be missed.

Are you sick in the mind? it got TOTALLY nth to do with you honestly.
sigh. what is wrong with people nowadays? Fat seeker meh?
If i were you i think i would have hung myself :(

sigh. i feel so bitchy under nel's influence. im sorry Jesus.
she was the one who asked me to blog this.
opps, push blames only. HAHAHA.

Von's

2010-05-25T16:46:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY BELOVED VON TAY :)

Hope you enjoyed yourself with the neverending favourite beeers and vodka. aww, i still love you the same and thankyou for always being sucha darling lending me your ears when i need and shoulders to cry. you'reee the best although you're a bitch who loves cass koh more than me and im not ah lian i warn you. hehe. all the best to your current career. you should buy me dunhill frost soon. ahem ahem*

more gossip girls session purleasse.

more photos kindly grab @ fb. thankie.

trying to make flower balloons. eeeeeew scary shitballs they burst like nobody biz.
very naiseeee choc estacy cake from four season.
hahaha. as usual.

just for you hor i light these 3 pathetic candles for 1234567 times!!!
for you only!!
My best-time scandal. hahaha can you stop changing bfs everyweek dear?
next weekend = our party sessions!!
My lover my slut

Zhen zhen totally lost so much weight. She said it was due to lesser alcohol now. Serious or not? Perhaps its trueee, i think i got 2months bb bump. ahahaha simi sial. oh ya, she's stil my bestest 24yrs old listener :)

Like again i can't stop behaving as thou it was my birthday. LOL.

Dengy and me me me :)

if it's not because of everyone's busy lifestyle, we could have continue our wildest and craziest girls night out. :( how i missed em. next gathering to samantha's party and mineeee, if im not lazy to plan. aha. I will always remember every souls that accompanied me thru the hardest period of my time. Very much appreciated. I love you all.

Hearts*

She sat there in heartache, pinning for some prince charming that will come trotting in her life to save her from despair even thou she jolly-well know fairytales were never real in reality. she was a vulnerable woman yet she was brave enough to fight for her desires despite facing all storms all by herself and time and time again her heart just break into pieces, almost beyond recognition. Destiny is fated, but i choose to create them.

How about your that one heart you had this lifetime?

ps: nel, i am mad hungry now. sighs. how about some cheesecake at starbuck? i need to mug for my lessons tmr :( how about we learn yongchun tgt? hahahahahaha. see you hun.

2010-05-23T16:16:00.001+08:00

我真的真的很累

2010-05-23T15:47:00.003+08:00

The naked-truth is always better than the best dressed lie.

If man can make the effort in lying and another lie to cover the other tale,

why can't they make the effort in speaking the truth and handle mutually like what responsible adults should do.

perhaps every human-being only think of the motive and neglecting the purposes & consequences behind so.

you're merely killing yourself &

disappointing the one that always managed to find out..

more than once

2010-05-22T20:57:00.002+08:00

"Just to say I love you never seems enough. I’ve said it so many times. I’m afraid you wont understand what I really mean when I say it. How can so much feeling, so much adoration possibly fit into those three little words. But until I find some other way of saying how I feel, then “I Love You” will have to do. So no matter how many times I say it, never take it lightly."

What a surprised weekend.
and the behind reason.

waaaaaaa............. fcuking aimlessly bored.
oh honey, fly me to the moon.

2010-05-21T17:39:00.015+08:00

No matter how arduous the journey is, i know i have to walk, even alone
will you pick me up halfway or no return tickets?

:) time for shopping.

edited, 1:59am
i fcuking missed japan right now. i dont know why.
i really missed every single thing.
sigh.
you need a shrink

“The problems start when we refuse to let change happen and cling to old habits. But, if we hold on to the past too tight, the future may never come.”

Learn to let go, prolly that's what love is about;
selfless and wishing all the best.

.... walao, wtf again?

2010-05-21T17:07:00.004+08:00

Such alluring tights how to resist? :(
stupid nel, you didnt even get me any, fcuk your trip. don't forget you promise our hk trip on july. lets hit our luckk at macau and i get you your chloebag.
and hahah i'm still thinking of 'The losers' we watched, he is darn awesome, look at his hot hott body and 'god, you're short. Are u standing in a hole?" hahaha i told you that fellow was a dwarf right.

I've made up my mind to Japan this end year, even travelling alone.

"You sit there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to save you from your old ways."

Will we get one more beautiful chance

2010-05-20T16:49:00.002+08:00

How far to carry on its pretty clear.
Gotcha focus baby, please just this once be stubborn!!!

下一站, 会幸福吗?

2010-05-20T15:31:00.002+08:00

Frigging hottttt stuff in my wardrobe now.
Few more to go. When will it ever be enough?
Wooohoooo.

What's meant to be will always find a way.
What will be the next direction?
We all know, we all can feel so non-verbally.

"Nobody can pull you down unless you allow yourself to."
-wn

2010-05-20T02:03:00.001+08:00

Jia you baby!!
Keep going, find it back!!

Ps: Don't want then don't.

2010-05-19T18:29:00.003+08:00

Done with the last part of being emotional. :)
I haven start anything for upcoming exams.
Dieeeeeeee.

and nel, i know you kaypo,
you don't be a bitch lor. stop figuring out what im thinking.
but i like your 'being fat hides visions and create self-wisdom'
fat girls many taiji cannot meh? thats e only attn what.
nice one, but too bad i got the influence. hahahahaha~

Drive my car with care u bimbo. :)

Last call

2010-05-19T15:51:00.009+08:00

I was supposed to be helping to brainstorm of ideas for upcoming project until my brain freezed and the next minute i thought of you again. Not surprising, it had always been this routine ever since then. I thought of how I rained tears for you, even up til now, my desperate pleas for you to come back, how you looked into my eyes and told me how much you love me, how much you wanna recapture back those moments.

Again, i thought we were both adults able to talk anything under the moon, i thought we had this mutual understanding after so many storms. Yet you showed me how naive i was, how gullible to actually believed broken promises more than once.

Having you in my life taught me a great deal. I kept asking myself what went wrong and how should i salvage this love. I was wrong, sometimes when you're desperate to save and relive back, the further it will go away. In the first place, i shouldn't keep a heart that slipped away. I said once before: "I can give you all the freedom you want, but if you start doing shit, there's nth i could do and i wouldn't keep you anymore."

I didn't realized it was all about me. I couldn't acknowledge the fact that your heart had long ago left. You don't belong to me anymore. It felt as though it took 1 min to rush me from heaven to hell. I'd never able to let you go, knowing if i do, you'll never return, or rather I'll never be able to talk to you anymore. But maybe that wasn't what love was about, holding on something that had the liberty to choose to stay or go. You choose to go, you betrayed my trust, and each time you come back and go as when you like, you crack my heart deeper.

How am i supposed to find all e courage to move forward bravely without you completely? What is it that I'm gripping so tightly despite how things were now. "Nothing" You ain't here whenever I needed somebody. I don't need you to be a hero, I just want you to be there to prove my existence, that's all. You can promise me, promise the entire world, but never once you did it.

Deleting me from all your network and my number is one thing i took some time to recover. Never did I expect to watch you returning to her would be so extremely painful. Perhaps it was a good thing, unable to check out your recent happenings might not give me anymore heartaches. Deleting your number wasn't a help at all, because I remember you by heart & mind. Deleting your name only shows how unwillingly I am to forget.

It's true that you never stop loving someone that easily, but I guess there's reasons good enough to forget this existence of love. The only way to get over someone is when you found someone better to piece back the broken pieces and to takecare of it. You got yours, and this was how insignificant I became more of. We've only got one heart, I prefer to be true to myself. How about you?

Though there's no guarantee for love, no contracts to seal promises, you showed me how frightening it could be to feel that words are merely words and making love out of nothing at all. When things happened, you could just run away til you regain your composure, and between this period, did it ever cross to you how miserable and painful it was for me to endure and brainwashing myself for 24/7? You can lie, you can hurt me, you can treat me as nothing, you can give me falsehope, you can promise me the whole world but you cannot just leave me in the lurch trying to swim on shore whereas you are out there freeing yourself from the problems you played a part. I thought by now you wouldn't do so, i was wrong. Because right now I am pretty conscious, you were gone again, you left me alone to pick all pieces by myself. You poof without any reasons. Let me tell you this, you got no rights to do this to me after all that happened. But again, who am i to blame? I know i couldn't bear for you to be unhappy, and therefore, here I am shouldering all the burdens for you.

That will be the last time. Time never pass so hard before. My heart is in excruciating pain. Now i really see it, how insignificant & small i was. How silly i am. All i ever gave you was my purest love, and you crushed it into million pieces that you'll never be able to piece it back. I am lost for words, no words could describe how painful I am feeling right now. You're right, perhaps i should just leave if I want to and stop all this emotional talk, yet again, what you know about my feelings? Since when you cared? Or you could only think rationally after few days? And its too late, I've already gone thru it myself WITHOUT YOU EVERYTIME.

I am not a saint.
I really see it. No matter how unwillingly, how tough it gets, I know I have to do it.
Why? Because of you, because of your indecisiveness, because of your actions, I am taking all these for you.

Look at you, just like my existing tattoo, although I couldn't have you, but I'll have the feeling of you for the rest of this lifetime. However, the pain you inflict stays forever too.

And so I let go, let go of these balloons that were tugging at my heartstrings all these while..
9 months 19 days.

You are free. So am I.
How short lived our love was. How unappreciative.
How saddening. How painful.
What remains will be bouts of nostalgia.

Where have our love gone to?
Yes, you're only a human, I am as well.
Then how am i supposed to cope after everything?
I have my worries as well.

And i totally hate who i am now behaving like a sadist.
Get alife.

2010-05-19T02:19:00.001+08:00

when you're in the mist of anger and trying to stop the unnecessary conflict caused by me or not,
did it ever cross your mind how i felt at the exact moment.

im a burden.
im already vexed enough.
why must you give abrupt and derange messages.

How true it is,
one thing for sure,
i know my stand.

im sorry.

for the empty fills

2010-05-18T23:31:00.004+08:00

You broke my heart countless times, but I never gave up on you.
You were like balloons, knowing if i let go, it'll fly away, it'll never return.
Holding on to something that had the liberty to choose, to stay or go.
When you know which path you should be taking, you go for it and when you are handling it to the golden platter, you are afraid to continue.
Never once i succeeded in setting free my heartstrings that were tugging, because my mind, my heart, my soul- it was all about you. I began to live my life for you, way before it was, even til now.

This existence of love;
a fairytale with happy ending, a companion that carries mutual understanding, there isn't a need for lies, isn't a need to feel drained, isn't a need to feel frightened because you know everything will be alright.
Or
a closing chapter, every familiar thing triggers you and nothing you can do to have that similar feeling back, all you left with was bouts of nostalgia.

All it takes is to pluck out the courage and you'll see it in a different light.
Is there a need to prove that you're way more significant, to be top piority and end of the day is that what you want? Why does every human-being reacts this way?

I never left, I will always be, unless im not the reason.
I missed those times, those moments i could never recapture.
I missed those days when you said you couldnt live without me.
I missed those haha-times when we could laugh and joke abt anything.
I missed those times you cook and cuddle tgt to sleep.
and lastly,
I missed when we smell like my favourite strawberry,
together; one-and-only.

It wil be a neverending cycle, you're not me.
you won't know how hard it was for me.

PS: I.love.you
3 simple words is enough.
Bidding goodbye never felt so painful
I'll never get to feel you anymore, even emptytalks, at least u bothered to lie.
My presence will just fade away & disappear..

Acknowledge this fact;
he loves her. no longer you..

I don't know how's life gonna be without you completely,
and i know i just got to deal with it.

I miss you, very badly.

:)

2010-05-18T17:13:00.000+08:00

November ‎11, ‎2009, ‏‎3:54:05 PM
A very long ago meal at Suntec for all time fav Japanese Cuisine and never did i expect it was the last before things turned upside down, it was the last perfect dinner, when i was officially the one.
:)
How time flies..

Everybody is going on with their life perfectly well,
everybody is doing things that they had to
except me
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"There’s a big difference between; who we love, who we settle for, and who were meant for."
It's amazing, really, just how much pain the human heart can take.

Look what you've done.

i got this effing urge to run over and hug you now and pray that time would just stop im willing to exchange for anything.
too pain too hard to breathe, again.

YSL love

2010-05-17T19:41:00.002+08:00

Effing gorgeous!!

http://ysl.com/us/en/index.aspx

I am so crazy madly in love with YSL y-mail tote & the black cuff!!

My special day is coming. any best friends out there? hahaha

and oh, everybody mistook me as siam bu aft i cut my hair. smlj.

hongkie actress can?

2010-05-16T18:25:00.001+08:00

You can feel when someone you hold close to your heart is slipping away, little by little. It’s when the mere thought of losing a goodfriend can bring you to tears almost instantly. The pain you are beginning to feel can crush your entire heart. Yet everything that you try to do to solve the problems only push them further and further away from you. When the only chance of getting back to the way things were in the beginning is to hope this person realized what they may be losing.

I'm afraid i'll never get this right, for you, for us.
.

“ You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter. ”
—

" What you do to me feels like I’m floating on air. I don’t need to know right now, all I know is I believe in the very thing that got us here and now I can’t leave. ”
-

2010-05-16T18:12:00.000+08:00

"You can never really know someone completely. That’s why it’s the most terrifying thing in the world, really- taking someone on faith, hoping they’ll take you on faith too."

Will you
Did you

total waste of my heart

2010-05-15T17:30:00.004+08:00

On a perfect and indescribable mutual last night.

fascination

2010-05-15T17:17:00.007+08:00

When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left. How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly? Life moves very fast. It rushes from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds.

Thats how cruel reality can be. Live it or let the walls crumble.
I tried to warn, but if only pain can open to one, im sorry.

I tried more than enough, it wasn't you but me who choose to be stubbornly stupid. i don't see it despite umpteen times.

who are we to blame? who am i to cry my heart out with.
how much worth love gets when there is nth can be done.
how much longer i need to face this alone.

just how much i need to do to make some sense out of it
or all along i was wrong abt this.

and again,
im not at it.
it just something that wasn't over.

it's gonna be,
from the moment you aint here again, not surprising,
tonight;
shall be a new beginning.

im not at it again.
you are.

Ps; i dont have e enough power & love to tug u to sleep on your insomnia nights.
like again, you love me, prove it.

Be true to your heart, you've only got one of it.
Too late for regrets, nothing is not too late esp when too much had happened.
Take it or leave it.
i am used to facing all by myself. what can be even more painful & worse than breakdown?

2010-05-15T16:28:00.002+08:00

I really can't bear to be cruel and hurt your feelings, after so long. And I'm wondering how could you have done the same thing and threw me behind crying back for millions of times.

Something bad just happened, im in the brink of breaking down. i shouldnt have tried to convince myself that this time round it might be different because when i see it's still e same, it added on to my devastation.

uh huh

2010-05-14T17:55:00.000+08:00

Ain't a superwoman and still sentimental
but
withdrawing symptoms..

2010-05-14T17:50:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA!! lame but powerful enough to laugh for 1 year.
jiu kong just got the jiaobin to act. he rocks however im the better IP MAN!!

Enjoy~

2010-05-14T17:07:00.003+08:00

Shoe addiction is back.
New target; even skinner legs than now.
:)
DSLR and Samantha is currently in my fav list. Hehe.

This is so fcuking CHIOOO.

Rain me money

anddd

heal my bruises on both of my knees. biggg patch of blueblack.

anyone is hungry?

i am hungry for next week.

don't tell you why.

Why almost every girls nowadays like to spend money on flowers for guys at club now?

can you all chip in for my Celine or DrMartin instead? :)

oh wait,

KELLY is a disgusting anorexic bitch.

dont try to hook up. go back to your third world country.

my boy, behave or i show u how my power. muahaha.

back to meeting. siansxz

:(

2010-05-14T16:17:00.001+08:00

把手放了
我也许会比较快乐
我也许会换个情人
我也许不会再撑
真的够了
能不能让雨别再下了
能不能让心别再疼了
能不能不要开灯
我们的爱跟着
你写的剧本
出现了越来越多的角色
我是你什么人
如果不是情人
是不是不要
再浪费我的人生
你比我更清楚
你对我多好
多温柔多认真
不构成爱我的资格
除非你只看着我
想着我只有我
爱本来就该独一无二
为你伤心多一点少一点
流下的眼泪都一样不值得
世界上那么多人
只有我一个人
能拯救自己的快乐
不要再为你哭了

Changi Beach facing the slow breeze blowing gently at our faces together with the slightest humming of this song.

He added it was beautiful. how beautiful.
Does the involve party remember what im saying?

its dawn yet again

2010-05-13T19:39:00.000+08:00

It’s sad when you realise that love doesn’t take away your pain or heal your wounds or salve your conscience or assuage your guilt or save your soul. If anything, it makes a bigger mess of you because you become aware of just how empty you really are when he lets go of your hand, of how alone you are..

I need a long catch of breathe, the perfect time to really let it go and remember for who i am, to return to reality and not living in fragments of fantasy and hoping for miracle.

ahh, i forsee a brighter and colorful days ahead :)
i love my new hair.
i love the pooh bear with familiar scent.
life's gonna be great,
when you choose it to be.

2010-05-13T18:29:00.003+08:00

Was using desktop and I browse thru all old time pictures taken.
How time really flies. It felt it were only a month back or so..

This is the current 2010 me before i changed a hairstyle just ytd. lol.
The first shoot i had.

Younger bro and me on our way to Serangoon for bb cousin first month :)

hahahah this is ultimate joke. bff with his long hair. omg~~

botak boy now. hahaha.

Sentosa was sooooo fun~ my fav RTW*

Poly times. Sigh. I missed the whole bunch of us being notorious. Times when we skipped classes, overslept, smoke and all the merriments. :)

Me & Jenny at BQ. in a blink of eye she's gonna be a mom of 2 .

Dining at my fav Dingtaifeng

Cine's HK Cafe with usual cliques and this is my bestest buddy/angel SK!! :)

Evon & me.

Memories :)

Hyper active yanyan & me at Le-bar. the never-fail-to-get-wasted gf. haha.

i looked so chubby :(

Fav hotmuffin @ Cafe Cartel.

TPSS moments. BEST MAN. thou i alw complain the waking time and getting yellow form for late everyday til huimin got fed up with me. haha. I miss you people :(

Muffins from Crystal Jade with RT. I was jumping up and down like a kid.

I missed those times where we took our DSLR and camwhore.

I miss you gf..

Bangs and cap days.

Sylvia and me at le-bar one. Such a small world we had common friends.

On a memorable Xmas night countdown.

And lastly...

.
The first flyer i went with him.

I only really learnt how to cherish things and people around me til someone i loved dearly passed away. The thought of it pains me and no matter what i do i know i cannot bring you back anymore. Thank you for everything girl. I will always keep you in my heart and remember all the words you told me once to live on bravely.

R.I.P.

i seriously miss you, really i do..

To someone: Im so jaded but i know what im suppose to do. To let this love sparkle or flame to dust, you hold a part..

Post updated pic of my new hairstyle soooon & im loving it~ needs to catch a long breathe and wake up to reality.

2010-05-13T15:41:00.000+08:00

It's definitely not a issue to give up Jay's 24th concert for upcoming Luo zhi xiang's!!

He's dead gorgeous. omfg~~~~~

However, this song is up the track. Hehe :)

2010-05-11T00:05:00.001+08:00

I know you'll never come home.
I know.

10th

2010-05-10T23:58:00.002+08:00

You told me once, "together we will make it"

You added saying how unbearable it was for you to send me home

For all that happened,

what im afraid most had come..

How i hoped i died in the accident as well,

im sorry i left you alone.

i couldnt find you anywhere now.

i lost him & why do you have to leave me too..

I wish to forget everything clean,

and if time can turn back, i will never work at moonshine.

dear sis, if you are here still, bring my pain away can you..

~~i love you RT~~

~~its hurting fcuking pain.~~

2010-05-09T16:24:00.001+08:00

Ask yourself, judge and think with your heart.

2010-05-09T16:11:00.007+08:00

You ain't here, ytd was the worst.

But i managed to crawl it through.

Where were you? I know, i just do..
It's hurting badly, really badly dear.

2010-05-09T02:21:00.002+08:00

Just so suddenly I recall the times we spent tgt at jap walking the streets, shivering hands in hands and catching tempting foods everywhere. How silly I'm the only one who missed it.. It was trip supposing to be blissful but why do I feel like crying now and why am I holding on and not giving it a go.......

2010-05-08T18:39:00.000+08:00

Browsing through old pictures tells a sad tale making rainfall falling incesstantly..
Im beginning to doubt if all those memories were real.
How shortlived, how saddening you couldn't get this in head.
Because i just know i wasn't the one.

2010-05-08T17:07:00.003+08:00

Everyone can dont understand me but not you.
Now, everyone can dont understand me still but difference is you don't need to be the special one anymore.

i dont even want to have e slightest memory
this lifetime & even next lifetime.

When did you ever spare a thought for me?
I live my life for you, and not gonna be.
Go ahead pursuing love, continue being stubborn til it snaps. ignoring other factors and one fine day you'll realize love is nothing without acceptance and chemistry.

I can forgive and forget be it trivial or big issues because its you.
but you never appreciate..

You hurt me seriously big time with your careless ~~love. :(~~

2010-05-08T15:34:00.004+08:00

Superb upset right now. Extremely to the max. I left with the fcuking last round to make it and wtf actually went wrong? I guess i knew what was it. ARGH. it's fcuking close to my dream, just that near and 'boom' it all disappeared within seconds from this bitch telling me 'thank you' No words can put how roller coaster i am feeling right now. I regretted big time that i didnt put my best for the 4th round, i was pretty anxious, my heart was throbbing out any min. Well, to another extend, it was partially my fault. I was scared ok. Sigh. Now its gone, i have to wait for next round. When will it come? i already missed it twice which i regretted even big time.

AHHHH cheebye i am fcuking bloody frustrated now. Can someone come out & lemme rant big time? Oh ya, it was you that came to my mind. I thought perhaps slightest chance i could share it with someone. But it turned out unexpectedly ugly. Now i see it that i wasn't comparable to a human-being which i can still understand it takes two hands to clap and now not even to a non-living thing. FYI, i adore it as much as you do.

Here i am crying in the verge of losing my battle and having to handle all the cruelty given to me together at the lowest point of my life.

Fcuk off; definitely i will.

2010-05-07T23:44:00.002+08:00

I don't want to be just a guardian angel. yuan lai ni bing bu ai wo..

2010-05-07T16:49:00.002+08:00

Why must it go through in the hardest way before realizing?
Walan eh.

2010-05-05T23:29:00.005+08:00

You didn't want to acknowledge
the fact that he head to another direction,
the fact that he's gone,
the fact you came in second,
the fact you both are already over.
And the very last harsh fact,
he couldn't do anything for you.
265days from today. how time flies.

Enough of all these cycle-talks, wearing me off constantly.
i am not at it again, some things that happened it will always stay in the blood.
i can never get rid of those images i saw and truths i knew.
i miss you, the you that was incredibly real.
Were you even real onced?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Just a picture of us.

i am ok. i need a long rest, extremely long rest.. alone.

2010-05-05T00:26:00.002+08:00

Needs a big big rest, it got kind of weird that i am sleeping more like a dead log, mutter when i sleep (according to gfs) and drool on my teddy as usual. I am sick again. Sigh. When will my body get back on track? I am feverish & i had nothing but sandwiches since morning :( Might be a good thing cause i can jian fei!! haha. I need to shed my fats. 42kg can?

Gdnight. And special thanks to my teeraks; Jan, Sk & Buddy! (:
Sleep sabai sabai~

No expectation= no disappointment
I cannot forget the truth that had been blinded by words
broken ones.

6hours left to sleep. not enough sial. siansxz i hate invoices.
i need to smk now. i want archie's comics books leh. 26th may is BTT.
hahaha loser sia mine got expired but good news i get to drive typeR to work!!
steady weeee.

2010-05-04T01:27:00.004+08:00

"Go for your dreams. Fight for what you want now. You're still young, even if you were to fail, when you look back, you can hold your head up high and say, "At least i fought for what i believe in."

How true. Very true. I believe in destiny, but i believe in controlling mine even more.

Alot of things whirling in my mind and i got no idea where to start from.
'Ice kachang puppy love' wasn't as bad as anticipated. First love; how i missed that. A very simple love, a very simple expectation & a very simple everything that comes from the heart. Too bad, world's changing, pace getting faster & everyone moving on and missing out. Drama are only drama, every story reaches an end. I guess i've reached mine. It was a very easy task, but it always ends up being disheartened. No efforts means no effort, deluding with excuses really make it better? I dont understand, take it this way then.

i am very tired, i feel like sleeping forever, i feel like slowing down my pace to catch my breathe back & i feel like doing nothing but sitting down at a extremely quiet place with the sea breeze blowing gently at my face. Cigg & mp3 as company will be sufficient. But again, life's isnt a bed of roses. 5 more hours to fastpace work. neverending workload is waiting, i thought it might be good to divert all attn but now i realized it wasn't so.. because end of the day i will miss him even more, i feel like talking, i need a listening ear and the only thing i done was to fag, reminisce, heart sank and left after throwing the butt away.

i feel like crying yet again. i can't control. I am snapping and soon i'll be jumping out of the window or die in my sleep. I had a bad nightmare, surprisingly i didnt see you saving me and it was someone else. i thought i will dream of you like before, but i didnt. I lost you, i really did, even in dreams.

Promises and words are always broken.
Pushing me to a dead end.
Why leave me ugly meomories.

Get lost. leave me alone.
go missing then do it forever.
i am not at it again, you are. fcuking are.

2010-05-03T03:52:00.005+08:00

Monday blues as usual. 3 more hours to get up to prepare for work. Super demoralizing.. Urge to take MC but workload will be neverending for tuesday. Slept 13 hours on weekends and im stil feeling sleepy. I missed out zouk's fleamarket earlier. Bff should blast my cell but i know i'll screw him upside down if he does. Ironman 2 & IP MAN earnestly rocks big time! i love ironman! can i be him for a day? I am ironman!! haha. and can i be ann kok for a day? she's extremely hot! People did you see her latest advertorial at channel 8? OMG!! Hyper at wee hours is totally out of my mind. I am supposed to be in bed. The thought of dragging myself out my my hypnotising bed is crazy yet skipping work on every monday is pretty bad. Who wants to support me if im jobless? oh great news, this coming sat will be another lovelove interivew which i've missed it twice and i swear im giving a shot this round! REALLY LAH. (the most i try to slp early on fri night lor) How how how.. time is tocking every fast whenever you dont want it to come that fast. Shld i tk MC since im unwell for like days? Sigh, what is wrong.. I hate my daily routine of giddiness. I hate heartaches.

Been repeating 'nothing on you' & 'because of you' countlessly while fagging. After so much that happened, what's exactly that things need to be so complex. Was it because emotions was involved and people will always be blind to see it? Why is human nature so one-way? Why is there a need to only do it even though u know what's black and white & only realized and step out of it when you feel the prick yourself? I don't understand.. Is it that hard to make decision? Nobody loves to, but sometimes in life you got the power to do so. Life's fcuking vulnerable, i learnt this after some accquitance passed away. People always say there's plenty of fishes & opportunites out there, but how high possiblity is there a chance to find someone or something that is compatible or almost your expectation? I don't see mine, perhaps so far, i don't know. It isn't any fragements of fantasy, we can dream, we can fantasize any we want but when it's time to wake up, we better do. Missing out the chance & regrets is doubly painful. "nothing is too late" is practically a line to be optimistic. You know this won't be the case. Why must people tortured themselves to hang out to the very last & only wake up when it snap? Must it only be this way to feel that 'ive tried my best so i dont carry regrets' Well, maybe this works in certain case but definitely not for someone.

Is anyone out there exhausted? I am, very jaded in life now. I can say millions of words, thousand of facts & billions of rainfalls and nothing i can do if you choose to be this way. If only i remain as a kid now, i dont wanna grow up. I hate responsiblites and e more i know in life, e more weary it gets. Now i know, ignorance is bliss. But well, if only everyone is able to accept responsiblities and move on. Whats so difficult? Nobody love to make choices, everyone loves to have everything in hand. But sadly life isn't this case. Sometimes you gotcha give up one and you'll see it in a different light after you do so. Do you have the courage?

Oh how ironically, he isn't able to make any choices only til the day he see it that it's not gonna last and start remembering the old times. Is there really a need for this torment? Or everything were basically excuses subconsciously? I am tired from evaluating, there's nth i can do. Contradicting enough, i thought we were still beating tgt as one. Am i stil living in our fantasy and can i fcuking wake my idea up? Im not anymore, not the someone you used to breathe for. I am not.

Jaded.
I don't want to let time bland in and fade bit by bits.
I don't want to forget because it gets too hard.
I don't even want to miss out when i know perfect don't go for everyone.
Memories are always beautiful because they remain unchanged.
Is that why i thought i was still the one?
I imagined myself with the entire stress i can never handle, but as long as you're there to lend me your shoulder, i know i can handle it pretty well.
Whats with the invoiced mess? Everyone has a choice. And if anyone out there can't make one, let walls crumble and regrets fill you for the rest of your route.
It stays, it will always be.

Sigh....................
i totally got no idea wtf is happening.
i cant breathe easy now. i need to sleep. i am taking mc i guess.
fcuk it. fcuk the world.
i just wanna be happy with you.
Can we bring those moments back?
Can you do something before its too late?
:(

i love you, although this wasn't enough to sustain any.
i miss you but it's all or nothing.
Can i sleep forever..
I'll be your guardian angel if so.

PS: ITS TIME TO BE REAL ADULT AND NOT A BIG KID

Be it how one-sided or not, this is happening for real.